Okay, I don’t usually use my blog as a vent, but this has been festering in my mind for the past few weeks as I struggle to recover from pancreatitis:
I worked for four years to get my nursing license, studying, worrying, taking test after test, and finally (and much in debt later) I made it, I was an RN! Then came my first job as a nurse, on a crazy busy hospital floor, where how quickly you can perform your tasks meant if you were actually able to take a lunch and leave on time. I have been working there for three years now, and the busyness, the stress of a heavy workload is starting to wear on me. I still love being able to help people get well, but I am feeling the exhaustion to the core of my being. I just took a two week vacation, to rest and see family, when lo and behold, I came down with an acute attack of pancreatitis! What! I don’t drink, don’t smoke, have normal cholesterol and blood sugars. The attack was so sudden and so intense that I was screaming in pain. I have had five children and nothing even comes close to this pain. Well, I was hospitalized while on vacation, and I am now finally back home from the trip, and slowly recovering. I say slowly, since I am just so tired and sore. I can only eat super low fat food and have now started medical sick leave from my work. I am frustrated, tired, wondering if I can possibly go back to such a physically demanding, exhausting position. I have worked very, very hard to become good at what I do, and I was finally in a position where I felt comfortable as an acute care nurse. Now I just don’t know. As the bills pile up (if I can’t work, I can’t get overtime) and life’s demands continue, I have to wonder what the future holds. I want to have hope, I pray for strength and encouragement, and try to focus on today.